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I’ve Been

May, 2018

I’ve been beautiful without makeup
I’ve been sickened by myself

I’ve saved tigers in Bengali
Slept with fairies in a tree

I’ve got married in Jackson

The best they’d ever had

I’ve been high in Joshua Tree
Beat down in Caerphilly

I’ve flown a Bowen 747
With Superman up to heaven

Eaten a snake whole
Suckled from a she wolf
Founded Rome

Made mistakes
Too blue to mention

I’ve killed a clown

I’ve been insane
I’ve been schizophrenic

And so have I

I’ve ridden rhinos in Ramstein
Wending trains in Wengen

I’ve died once or twice

I still don’t know where or why we are
Or who I am or what I’m for
Can’t I just go back and try it again?

I’ve been a raindrop in a storm
A summer’s breeze
A peach rose thorn

I’ve seen another lover’s tiff
And death and pain and nothingness
I’ve felt too much
Not enough
And had nothing to give nor lose

I’ve been in love
I’ve been at war
With a purple leprechaun

I’ve made love on a yellow submarine
Met a jealous wolverine

Oh what a shame that now I know
I have to say goodbye and go

I’ve buried hatchets
Kissed Terry Pratchett

I’ve been in love
I’ve been repulsed
I’ve been alright
I’ve been alone

I’ve gauged my values
Questioned my intent
I’ve been wrong and right
I’ve faked

I’ve been an alcoholic
Frolicked naked

I’ve been myself
Once or twice
Played the fool
Been an elf

I’ve owed you everything
And nothing at all
And been no one
And nowhere

I’ve been in a fit state
I’ve been waiting for you
I’ve dreamt about you
Since you died

I’ve been in Istanbul
In my mind
Maybe in person

I’ve been elated
Fabricated my own sense of self

I’ve been on my way
And nearly there
And still at home
And happy

I’ve been everywhere
I’ve seen everything
I’ve contemplated it all

I’ve figured it all out
And forgotten it all
Because I didn’t have my notebook
On my bedside table

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